You want more money. In fact, you believe you deserve it for a job well done. So, why not ask for it? Plenty of reasons…
A recent survey of 1,000 American employees determined the top three reasons Americans are afraid to ask for a raise, finding that 80% feel they are entitled to one but only 60% plan to ask. Cited reasons include: not knowing how to ask, fear of rejection and concern about job security. Close to one in four of them use knowledge of coworker salaries to negotiate higher salaries, which suggests the necessity of openly sharing this information when possible.
Workers across the country and industries shared their fears about the “Big Ask:”
You’re scared you’re not good enough, you’re unworthy or you might have to negotiate
Kristen Brun Sharkey
Full-time leadership coach and founder and CEO at Emboldify
“I find with my clients that difficulty in asking for a raise is most often related to imposter syndrome. Our brains are wired to make us avoid risk, especially anything that could lead to a lack of survival resources (e.g., losing a job) or alienation from others (e.g., getting a poor reputation). It’s a survival mechanism! Once you know this, you can practice being aware of when your brain is doing this—which helps you push it aside instead of giving it weight. Mindfulness practices (not just meditation) are a fantastic way to grow this awareness.”
Mark Pierce
CEO and founding partner of Wyoming Trust, a law firm in Sheridan, Wyoming
“The biggest block to asking for a raise is insecurity. Some people aren’t 100% confident in their professional worth, while others feel full-on imposter syndrome, and both can stop you from asking for a raise if you let them. Working on confidence is hard, but one easy way to reduce the effect of insecurities is to understand that everyone has them—some just hide them extremely well.”
Tramelle D Jones
Strategic Success and Workplace Wellness Coach with TDJ Consulting in San Antonio
“I find that most people worry that by asking for more money, they will not only be rejected but also damage their relationship with their manager. In my work as a career coach for high-achieving employees seeking positions where they are valued, challenged and paid what they are worth, I see this fear more often in women and persons of color. They rationalize their fear with the preschool adage, ‘You take what you get and don’t throw a fit.’ Instead of asking for a raise, these employees tend to ramp up their performance, thinking they need to overwork and outperform everyone in the office.
While having a high-performing employee on the team is great, it can backfire when there is no communication with the boss about intentions. All that extra work can lead to disappointment if no raise is achieved. Having conversations about their desire for a raise and pinpointing the support their boss needs so their efforts are strategically placed and actually useful would be a better move.
Regarding the fear of asking for a raise, my advice is always to understand that it is fiscally responsible for the company to pay you the least amount for your work, but they expect you to counter and ask for more. Compensation conversations might feel daunting, but they open doors. If the answer is yes, you got what you wanted. If the answer is no, you can ask for more clarification by asking, ‘If not now, when?’”
You don’t want to rock the boat
Rebecca Heiss, Ph.D.
Stress physiologist, author and keynote speaker, who works with teams to transform stress energy into higher performance
“Seems obvious, but because humans are so risk-averse, it’s easier for most to justify that things are ‘good enough’ as they are because they feel more in control of the situation. An ask requires vulnerability and an opportunity to fail—maybe even risk outcomes that are far worse than current conditions (imagine if I get fired!).”
Logan Mallory
Vice president of marketing at Motivosity, a recognition software for employers, in Salt Lake City
“In the past, I’ve been nervous about asking for a raise because I feared it would alienate my manager and hurt our relationship. It doesn’t feel good to put pressure on someone to give you more, especially when you’ve spent years building a trusting relationship.”
Michael Nemeroff
CEO and co-founder of Rush Order Tees, an apparel e-commerce brand in Philadelphia
“Asking for raises can cause stress because there’s a power imbalance at play—even in the healthiest team environments. Your boss has the power to keep you around, and asking for a raise can threaten your position. If you have a great boss and the odds of them punishing you for asking are microscopic, there’s still a chance that things could go awry, which is enough to discourage some people from asking.”
You’re worried the answer is going to be no
Jenny Mitchell
Executive coach, founder and CEO of Chavender in Ottawa, Canada
“Asking for a raise is stressful when viewed through black-and-white thinking: You will either get a yes or a no. When proposing a raise to your boss, bring a list of open-ended questions. Your targeted questions will prompt meaningful feedback from your boss. Use questions like ‘What are the two most important criteria for awarding raises?’ or ‘Which part of my work product is most valuable to you as a leader?’ Ditch the yes-no answers and lean into curiosity. You’ll find out the answers you seek without slamming into the adversity of a ‘no’ response.”
Greg Ivory
President at Essential Search, an executive search firm, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa
“Everyone’s scared of rejection, and let’s face it, this is your livelihood we’re talking about, so it can seem like there’s a lot on the line. You have to prepare yourself for the fact that indeed the answer might be ‘no’ or ‘not right now’ or it could be that you’re already at the top of the pay scale for the company and they’re never giving you a raise, but at least you know. Mentally prepare that all these answers are within the realm of possible responses and be OK with that.”
Cache Merrill
Founder, CTO and CEO at Zibtek, a software development company in Sandy, Utah
“So many people don’t ask for raises because they’re afraid there’s no room for raises in the budget, and they’ll feel embarrassed if they hear no. While I’d argue that hearing no is nothing to be ashamed about because it doesn’t necessarily reflect your value, you can slowly build to the conversation and feel out your boss’s position ahead of time. Express to your boss during a 1:1 meeting that you’d like to grow within the company and then ask what you can do or improve to become a stronger employee. Once you’ve completed those things, revisit the conversation, and if they’re happy with your progress, ask for a raise.”
Arissan Nicole
Career and confidence coach in Seattle
“People are often scared of repercussions that will happen if the answer to a raise request is no. People fear it will reflect poorly on them, bring negative attention, and potentially have the company [consider] replacing them for someone that doesn’t want as much money. These fears are mostly unfounded unless you are working for a toxic company, in which case get out! It is more expensive for a company to replace you and rehire for your position than it is to grant your raise request. Instead of looking at a raise request as a make-or-break conversation, view it as an opportunity to practice using your voice, [communicate] your skills, and [ask] for what you want. It is opening a dialogue with your manager that lets them know you are dedicated to the company and want to continue to contribute and grow with it.”
Afraid to ask for a raise? What to do about it…
Vannessa Wade
PR specialist at Connect The Dots PR in Houston
“I’ve asked for and received a raise—twice! People tend to not know when and how to ask for a raise. I asked for a meeting, showed up with three to five wins I had as an employee, matched it with the job description and added how I achieved what was outlined in the job description. It worked. Gather your proof and ask for what you desire. Practice what to say with family and friends. Highlight how you’ve helped the company versus saying I want more money. Show how you’ve gone over and beyond what is requested of you.”
Dr. Rebecca Heiss
Stress physiologist, author and keynote speaker, who works with teams to transform stress energy into higher performance
“Humans are the only animals capable of creating stress with our thoughts, and because our stress response evolved to keep us safe, our thoughts often play out in the worst case scenario (catastrophizing the ask rather than thinking about all the ways it could go in our favor). To overcome it, people need to recognize the cost of inaction is often more costly than action. Action is measurable. It gives us data from which we can grow, adjust and change. But inaction (not asking) only breeds resentment and regret—only those costs aren’t usually measured until later. Recognizing them upfront can embolden us to make the ask.”
Logan Mallory
Vice president of marketing at Motivosity, a recognition software for employers, in Salt Lake City
“The approach made the difference for me because I realized I could lead with gratitude. You don’t have to play hardball, but express gratitude for the opportunities you’ve had and the relationship you’ve built. A great manager won’t see you asking for a raise as undue pressure but a natural progression as you grow in your role. As I’ve moved into management positions, it’s become even clearer to me that if you have a good boss, you should never fear asking for your worth.”
Brooke Webber
Head of marketing at Ninja Patches in Philadelphia
“If we stay quiet to keep the status quo, the only one who benefits is the manager who doesn’t give out raises often enough. If it gets to the point where you have to ask for a raise, your boss may have dropped the ball. Rather than worrying about making someone uncomfortable, prioritize your own comfort on the same level as others and have the conversation. Often, it’s not nearly as bad as the scenario you’re cooking up in your head.”
Final words of encouragement
Dr. Nancy Irwin
Clinical psychologist in Los Angeles
“What can help is seeing that the experience of asking is an opportunity to face fears, regardless of the outcome. Even if denied a raise, you will have refused to reject yourself and have given yourself a ‘raise’ in the courage department, if nothing else. That’s huge.”
Photo by pathdoc/Shutterstock.com
