I used to love a drink when flying: A martini in the airport bar while I waited to board the plane, or a plastic cup of white wine from the flight attendant, eased my fear of flying and got me into “vacation mood.”
Drinking and traveling went hand-in-hand and when I got sober over 10 years ago, I was certain I would never have fun on vacation again. Flying without wine? Beach without margaritas? Dancing without a buzz? No way!
That is what I thought then. Even as I discovered how to live sober, traveling continued to be scary for me. It felt like one long stretch of temptation. I feared relapse and wondered if it was worth the risk. But what was the point of being sober if I couldn’t enjoy a getaway? So, after talking with my sponsor, I decided to take the plunge—but first, I made a sobriety plan. I have been traveling sober ever since and my plan is still intact.
“[The] fear of relapse is one of the biggest hurdles when it comes to traveling while in recovery,” says Elvis Rosales, LCSW, clinical director of Align Recovery Centers. He thinks it’s important to acknowledge the fear but not let it control your trip. “When fear comes up, remind yourself of how far you’ve come in your recovery and the tools you have to handle challenges.”
Here are five things I have been doing for over 10 years to protect and prioritize my sobriety. They have yet to fail me.
1. Nip temptation in the bud
For my first solo, sober hotel stay I called the hotel ahead of time with a simple request: “Please remove any alcohol from the room before I arrive.” They were happy to accommodate and didn’t ask any questions. It made me feel in control, safe and even proud.
Ten years later, I still do this every time I travel. I once had the pleasure of staying at the Ritz-Carlton, Naples in Florida. When I made my reservation, they asked if I had any allergies. I used this opportunity to disclose my sobriety. During my stay, every restaurant on-site had been made aware of my non-alcoholic diet, and wine glasses, cocktail menus and martini specials were removed from all my dining experiences. This thoughtful gesture put me at ease, removed the discomfort of looking at island-themed drink options at every meal, and offered me a sense of security because others knew I was alcohol-free.
2. Stay connected to your sober network
Everyone loves to get away from everyday life during travel, but as a sober woman I simply cannot disconnect from my sober network. “Staying in touch with your support network is often the lifeline many people need while away,” says Rosales. “Meetings, whether in-person or virtual, are accessible in most places, and I think attending one can help ground you, especially if you’re feeling tempted or overwhelmed.” In addition to meetings, I stay in touch with my sponsor and stay connected with sober friends who understand my disordered thinking and share my sober goals.
3. Maintain a routine
Whatever small habits keep you grounded at home, stick with them when you’re away. “Starting your day with a quick meditation, journaling about your goals for the day, or checking in with how you’re feeling emotionally can keep you focused,” advises Rosales. For me, this includes a morning workout, followed by prayer, a daily devotional reading and coffee while I Wordle.
4. Practice gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful tool and if I don’t practice it, I find myself in a state of self-pity. Unrealistic thoughts creep in: Wouldn’t it be so fun to have a few wines right now? Not for me it wouldn’t! I would end up in the hospital or in handcuffs pretty darn quickly. I practice gratitude regularly through prayer and meditation. While on vacation, I go one step further and make a hand-written list of all the things I am grateful for—such as no hangovers, no handcuffs, and luxurious vacations. Gratitude encourages me to appreciate each and every gift sobriety has brought me.
5. Give yourself (and others) grace
Despite these practices, I struggle in very real ways while traveling. Anxiety attacks, self-pity, jealousy of those who drink, resentment, guilt—I have experienced it all. These are the times when I kick my routines, my network, my faith and my gratitude into high gear. I rely on the daily work of staying sober to keep me grounded and to get out of my funk.
“Lean on your support system, engage in healthy activities, and most importantly, give yourself grace,” says Rosales. The latter, I think, is the most valuable part of any sobriety plan.
Photo credit: CandyRetriever/Shutterstock.com
