The transition from summer to fall is tough on families with kids. From waking up earlier to the return of homework, the hustle of a new back-to-school routine can be an exciting but also tiring time. Here are nine back-to-school tips for parents that will make the transition to the classroom more successful.
Back-to-school tips for parents: Transition sleep habits
During the summer, the whole family is on a more relaxed schedule. But as the school year approaches, start that transition back to an earlier rising time. “The same way you’re buying new clothes and school supplies, start thinking about what that school schedule is going to be. Chances are that the things you’re doing during the summer, like family events or letting kids stay out later, are generally not the same kinds of guidelines you’ll have for when school is in session,” says Lisa L. Lewis, author of The Sleep-Deprived Teen: Why Our Teenagers Are So Tired, and How Parents And Schools Can Help Them Thrive.
Lewis’s back-to-school tips for parents include continuing to enforce a bedtime even as kids make the transition from middle school to high school. “Our role as parents continues to shift as our kids get older, but research shows that kids of parents who continue to stay involved in maintaining bedtimes, especially during this transition point, get more sleep.”
Reflect on the prior year
Talking to kids about the upcoming shift that’s going to occur between summer and the school year is important. Have honest conversations about what was good or difficult about the prior year, and carry those lessons into the upcoming year. “What do we want from a scheduling perspective? What do we want in terms of relationships with friends or how we spend our time?” says Stephanie Malia Krauss, educator, social worker and author of Whole Child, Whole Life: 10 Ways to Help Kids Live, Learn, and Thrive. If you are concerned about your child being overscheduled, how can you organize the calendar to make it more manageable?
Talk about friends
When kids start the new school year, they are the most nervous to see if their friends are still their friends, explains Chris Balme, author of Finding the Magic in Middle School. Balme’s back-to-school tips for parents include getting kids together over the summer to alleviate some of that trepidation. But also, have a conversation with your child so they have the right mindset before the first day.
“Help them set the expectation that it takes a while to settle back in, especially if you’re entering a new school. Even entering a new grade takes time to figure out who those friends are,” says Balme. Developmentally, it makes sense for kids in middle school and late elementary school to be focused on being part of the herd, explains Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends. “We all care what people think of us, but we can encourage kids to think about whose opinion matters to [them],” says Kennedy-Moore. And finding the kids you have things in common with is key. “If you don’t have anything in common with someone, you are unlikely to become friends with them.”
Use your village
If your child has an established relationship with a therapist, visit once or twice before the school year starts, recommends Krauss. Make sure an individualized education plan (IEP) or 504 plan is up to date. If your child is medically complex, meet in person with the school nurse before the start of the year so you are all on the same page.
Teach kids to rely on their village
As adults, we all use a variety of resources to help us thrive. But talking to kids about this concept can help them understand that various friends of different degrees of intimacy all have value. “Visualize friendship as a set of stairs,” says Kennedy-Moore. “The bottom step is like the bus stop friend, and then a couple steps up might be math class friends and a couple steps up from that might be the choir friend. All of these friends add to your life, even the bus stop friend that you only see in the morning. They still make the time when you are hanging out waiting for the bus more pleasant. Each of these levels of friendship has value. Some of them might grow over time into more intimate friendships, but even if they don’t, that’s fine. They still have value and you can enjoy them.”
Get them organized
A new school year means a big step up in expectations from educators. Better time management, more complex homework and busier schedules, which for most kids will be a struggle, says Balme. So start prepping them ahead of time by talking through their planner and discussing when they will do homework. As homework gets more complicated, teach them how to break it down into smaller pieces. Talk about how much screen time is allowed during the week and how to create a balance so they accomplish what they need to do, but also have downtime.
Let them grow
Each school year is a major milestone in development, and giving kids the room to spread their wings is important. “Recognize that they’ve grown and they’re more mature and capable of [handling] more,” says Balme. With the start of the school year, give them a new freedom and pair that with a new responsibility. Let them walk to school or give them more access to technology. “When they see adults as trying to keep pace with them versus holding them back, then they’ll stay more open with us.”
Help kids feel valued
Everyone wants to feel valued, but as kids get older and enter middle and high school they especially want to see their value through another adult’s eyes, explains Balme. Someone who isn’t paid to be with them or related to them. Find ways where they can contribute either through volunteering, babysitting, tutoring or joining a club—something that can have a major impact on their confidence. “In order to feel like a valuable person at such a social age, you have to see that value reflected through others’ eyes,” says Balme. “And it’s more powerful when it’s an objective other.”
Back to school 2024: Stay tuned in
During those first few weeks of school, be observant and a deep listener to assess and understand how the new year is going. “What are things like at the school, whether it’s a new school or a returning school? Are there any adjustments that need to be made at home or at school or with other activities in order to make sure our kids are really healthy?” asks Krauss. “The reality is that our kids are having a tough time. The baseline of the level of stress and the level of struggle is universally higher than it used to be because of things that are happening in the world, with technology and with other aspects of everyday life.”
While there are only a couple of months between the end of one school year and the start of another, a lot has changed. Kids grow during the summer months and each school year is the chance to have a fresh start. By taking time to reflect on what worked in the past, recognize how your child has grown or needs to grow and talking through everyone’s expectations for the year, your child will be off to a great start.
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